I had to ring the swimming centre on saturday and put in our excuses as we would not be attending.
“A rat ate my car.”
Not surprisingly the girl on the phone was…bemused…amused…not really believing me.
I mean, why didn’t I just say I couldn’t be bothered?
But really – here this is not a bizarre thing.
So here is what happened.
We all got into the car to take Two Foot Guru to Auskick (Australian Rules Football for little tackers (translation=small children)).
She pulled her seat belt down to do it up.
It coiled neatly across her lap, one end a soft fan of silky fray.
She burst into tears, thinking her super strength (at the moment we are a super hero you understand) had wrecked my car.
I quickly assured her it was no such thing.
In Australia we have rules about kids staying in booster seats or baby seats for a very long time (I am all for this, btw, I’ve seen the difference in pediatric casualties after an accident when they were safely ensconced in a seat) so we couldn’t just pop her in another seat.
We moved her seat to the middle back seat (we have a standard sedan car) and the husband reported that belt looked like it had been worked on a bit too by the mysterious offender.
I kept explaining that it was rats, I’d noticed they’d eaten the bung out of the wheel well and gained access into the boot as I’d cleaned up their mess in there.
He didn’t believe me.
Anyhow, so we went to footy and came home, having arranged with our local dealer (car dealer who services our car) to order in seatbelts.
That night I went out to the garage to get some bread from the deep freeze and could hear chewing going on in the boot of the car.
Having had just about enough of being laughed at for suggesting it was rats eating my car, I went in and got the “beepadeebeep” (see Black Books) and the husband.
Popped the boot, the light in there comes on automatically when you do this and there, perfectly illuminated, was a rat about the size of a kitten, chewing through the other seat belt.
Well, needless to say hubby was a little less rude about my theory (I am one of those annoying people who considers everyone’s career interesting and had relentlessly grilled the pest control guy we had come into one of the houses we were living in for a termite check – he was very enthusiastic about educating me in the habits of vermin…hence me knowing that during autumn and summer they find somewhere warm and dry to nest and generally that is when they come in looking for food too).
The rat stopped and looked at us with a little interest and then almost sighed before climbing off its perch in the rear speaker casing and hopping down inside the body of the car.
Smug bastard (sorry, language warning).
Anyhow, hubby sprung into action and set our one and only rat trap.
He made plans to go into town the next day and buy out the local hardware store.
The next morning I went out to see whether the trap was working and discovered all three of the rear seatbelts were now chewed through.
This renders the vehicle useless as I can’t take one or both of the children anywhere.
I reported this to the husband and he cussed and set more traps.
Kill count to date is 5 rats (all very large) and 5 mice (normal mouse size).
Unfortunately, living in the middle of crop lands, paddocks, the swamp and extensive shedding means we are rather a target for anything looking for a home.
We found where they were making their nest.
On top of the engine.
I kid you not – bits of seat belt, runners of grass from the lawn, a ripped up bit of beer carton from the boy’s shed…all created into a snuggly nest.
I have no idea what the wind velocity rating is on a rat’s nest, or the ignition point.
But I think the car manufacturer can take a bow that the engine runs so cool and breeze free that they considered ideal as a home.
Now I’d like to say that rats are like nits and prefer clean people (to save some sense of dignity) but rats don’t care if you are clean or messy…just if you have warm, dry places and lots of fibrous material.
We’ve just discovered today that there are only two seat belts that fit our vehicle left in Australia (both of which we’ve had to find and have shipped ourselves as our local dealer has turned out to be a little less proactive and would rather sell us a whole new car).
Little note here – you may want to keep spare parts for your car as my car is a fairly young (8 years old this year) and one of the most popular family cars in this country…and yet they no longer have parts for it.
Although I give you that it probably wouldn’t be a huge demand item, due mainly to the fact that (unless you keep goats or don’t feed your children regularly enough) you won’t have to order new ones after they have been consumed, on a very regular basis.
You want to know the most ironic part?
Before I cleaned the car out there was so much food in there from the kids that the rats didn’t touch the actual car…as soon as I cleaned it up they had nothing else to eat so they started on the car itself!
So, with the laughter of the boys and that poor receptionist ringing in my ears, I am now going to tackle the problem of being home-bound with shopping day tomorrow.
Living out here is fairly challenging without a vehicle.
Well, if you don’t like shooting your own food.
And I do have some emergency supplies but not sure if I’ve got vehicle consumption covered.
Now I have to go and check the rest of the car, incase they’ve developed a taste for engine lines and hoses. (Officer, a rat chewed my brake line!)
Honestly…you believe me right?
A rat ate my car.
And stop laughing…